Jyuunishi School of Chaos
by White Meteor
Summary: Mainly humor with hints of various pairings. What happens when all the Jyuunishi goes to Kaibara High? Chap 4, Kyou, Yuki, and Haru get in a fight & and bunch of other stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers: **All Fruit Basket characters were created by Takaya Natsuki-sama.

**Chapter 1**

'Today's the first day of school,' Tohru thought, 'our last year.'

She rolled up her sleeves, "Ok! Ganbatte! Everyday starts with a good breakfast! Yosh!"

.

"Where's Shigure?" Kyou asked, "it's not like him to wake up so early and leave the house."

"I'm not sure. But Shigure-san did say today's a big day," Tohru said thoughtfully.

Yuki remembered the grin on Shigure's face when he said those words.

"He's probably exaggerating or avoiding his editor," Kyou said with a shrug.

.

"That was the most boring meeting ever," Shigure said yawning.

"I second that," Ayame said.

Shigure grinned, "How do you think Yuki and the others will react when they hear about the news?"

"Why don't you tell them now? They're here," Hatori said in a monotone voice.

.

Yuki tensed as he spotted Shigure in a suit, Hatori in his white jacket, and Ayame in this odd puffy outfit. They were all standing outside the door of his school.

"Is something the matter?" Tohru asked, "why are you all here?"

"Ah! Tohru-chan! Long time no see," Ayame said moving towards her.

Yuki and Kyou blocked him and demanded, "Why are you here?!"

"We're your new senseis," Shigure declared with a grin.

"Nani?!"

Yuki's fan club began chanting, "L-O-V-E! Y-U-K-I! Y-U-K-I! Yuki!-"

"I see you got a fan club too," Ayame said resting his hands on Yuki's shoulders, "I'm so proud of you. Of course that is no big surprise. We are related, cut from the same stone. But my fan club was bigger, of course and-"

The girls ran forward, "What is your relation with Yuki-sama?! What do you mean cut from the same stone?!"

"I'm his brother," he said flipping his hair and pulling Yuki close, "do we look alike or what?"

.

"Wow. What do you think the commotion is all about?" Momiji wondered excitedly, pushing to get in.

Hatsuharu went into the crowd and discovered Ayame was the center of attention and telling some outrageous story.

"Wow, he's popular," Shigure said with a smile.

"Oh? Why are you guys all here?" Momiji asked.

"Starting today we are working here," Shigure said, "as your senseis."

"Yippee!!" Momiji shouted.

"Kyou-kun!!!"

Kyou turned pale as Kagura rushed over and hugged him.

"UGH! Why are you here?! Let go of me!"

"No!!" Kagura cried hugging him tighter, "aren't you happy to see me?"

Kyou couldn't answer due to the fact that she was choking him and his face began turning red.

"Why are you here?" Yuki asked, "shouldn't you be in university?"

She smiled, "I need to retake a couple of classes. And I wanted to come here so I can be with my Kyou-kun everyday!"

.

Tohru smiled, 'This is wonderful. I'm so happy. We're all-'

"Ohayou gozaimasu…"

She turned to see Ritsu who dressed in a blouse and skirt, "Ritsu-san."

"Oh, you're here too," Shigure said.

"Hai…kaasan said I should interact with other people so…"

"This is just great," Kyou muttered rubbing his neck after being freed from Kagura's death grip.

"Sumimasen!! Gomen nasai!! I'm sorry to be of a bother! Gomen nasai!!" Ritsu shouted, "I shall go home now and ever come out to see other people again! GOMEN NASAI!! SUMIMASEN!!!"

Shigure grab a hold of his collar, "It's ok."

"Gomen nasai!! Gomen! Gomen!!"

Everyone was staring at them.

"Please calm down," Kagura said, "we're being stared at."

"Gomen nasai, minna-san!! I have drawn unwanted attention! Sumimasen, Kagura-san!! I have embarrassed and disgraced you all!! SUMIMASEN!!" he cried.

"Maa, maa…" Shigure said still holding onto his collar so he can't run off.

Tohru smiled, 'This is going to be an interesting year.'

.

Kisa frowned, "I wonder what's going on over there at Tohru-neechan's school."

Hiro shrugged, "If you want we can go ask them at lunch or after school."

"Lets do that."

.

Momiji was very excited. He couldn't wait until Home Economic class which Aya-kun teaches and literature taught by Shigure. Hatori was the school doctor and Rit-chan was the assistant biology teacher.

Haru-kun looked deep in thought.

"Oi."

No response.

He whispered louder, "Haru-kun."

Haru looked at him, "Yes?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"Whether we have to attend Ayame and Shigure's class or can we just skip it. I don't think they'll fail us."

"But it'll be so interesting."

The teacher yelled, "I thought I told you 2 not to talk in class!!"

Momiji's fan club of girls got in front of him and said, "Don't you dare yell at Momiji-chan."

"Yeah, pick on someone your own size. Bully."

.

"For class I'd like you to read this series of novels."

"Sohma-sensai, we have to read romance novels for literature? And only romance novels?"

"Well, I got other stuff on the list. And call me by my first name. There's too many Sohma's in this class. If you like you can even call me Gure-kun or Gure-niisan."

"Anou…" another student said, "the author of those novels is also call Sohma Shigure…"

"Well, of course. I wrote it."

"…"

.

"Kyou-kun what do you have for lunch? Maybe we could share our lunch boxes. Don't you think it'll be very romantic?" Kagura asked.

"No. I don't want to eat your saliva," he stated.

"What did you say?" Kagura asked dangerously.

"…"

Someone came up and pat him on the back, "Oi, Kyou!"

"Uotani…"

"Oh, who are you? Kyou's friend?" Uotani asked.

"No. I'm his fiancée. My name's Sohma Kagura."

"Fiancée?!"

"I'm not her fiancée!!"

"What?!" Kagura demanded and began her vicious beating on Kyou.

.

"Konnichiwa, my students. What do you all think of my outfit?" Ayame asked modeling his sparkly silver and golden Chinese outfit (like those that Ayame and Yuki usually wears), "it's made by yours truly. I have my own shop. Please feel free to come and check it out."

Ayame began handing out cards.

"By the way, please call me Ayame, Aya-niisan, Aya-kun-"

A student interrupted, "Anou…Ayame-sensei. What will we be doing today?"

Ayame began laughing and pulled out a couple of garbage bags. He pulled out clothes and began throwing it at students, "Sewing buttons!! You will all be sewing buttons today. Sew it onto the 'x' I marked. Please use the buttons I handed out, and-"

"Do you have a syllabus?"

Ayame snapped his fingers, "I do."

He went and grabbed a pile of paper and winced, "Ouch! A paper cut! I got to go see Tori-san!"

"I got a band-aid," Momiji offered.

"No…I must go see Tori-san. What if I get an infection and die?!" he exclaimed shock, "ooooh, I feel weak. Dizzy…"

'He's lying,' Haru thought, 'he looks very…excited…'

"Haru-kun, please help me hand out the papers. Thanks," he said and pranced off.

'Why me?'

.

Ayame got to Hatori's office and found an extremely long line of girls. The girls were talking among themselves.

"He's so hot and cool."

"Sumire said he's very gentle, caring and thorough," another girl cooed.

"I'm so glad we got a new, young doctor."

"What's the commotion?! Why are you all here?!" the assistant principal demanded.

"I got a headache."

"I got a stomach ache."

"I feel dizzy."

"My throat feels scratchy."

"I accidentally tripped."

Dejected Ayame walked back to his class room and saw Haru throwing paper airplanes at people. He seemed different…not half asleep…

"B-Haru-kun!!!"

"Ayame," he said and smirked, "what are you doing here?"

Ayame pulled him aside, "Free labour! Nyahahaha. I applied to be the sex education teacher too but the principal said it wasn't necessary."

B-Haru smirked, "So? This is your classroom, right? What's stopping you from teaching it right now?"

Ayame laughed, "Nothing!"

"Attention class!! Drop your needles! I have decided to change today's plan. I will be teaching you sex ed instead. You guys are old enough to know and should know the dangers and pleasures about sex! Nyahahahaha. My assistant will be Hatsuharu! First we will learn about the human anatomy!" Ayame declared with a hentai grin.

.

Ritsu sighed. He really need to come out for a breather.

"Sohma Ritsu-sensei."

"Uh…hai Principal Yamazaki!"

"Do you know why there's such loud screaming coming down from down the hall?"

"No! Gomen nasai! Sumimasen! I will try to be more knowledgeable! GOMEN NASAI!!" he cried bowing.

THUD!

"Ah!! Principal Yamazaki are you ok?!? I didn't mean to know you out!!" Ritsu cried shaking him like a rag doll, "gomen nasai!! GOMEN!!"

.

Yuki, Tohru, and Kyou went to check out the commotion. It came from the sewing room. Yuki sighed and opened the door.

Ayame and Haru were terrorizing the students, chasing them and shouting stuff like, "Now don't be shy. The human body is a piece of art. If you don't strip we'll help you!"

A girl tripped and…

Poof! Poof!

"…"

The three of them rushed in. The dust cleared and the students looked confused.

"Ah!! Snake!"

Yuki picked it up, "Don't worry. It's just a rubber snake. Probably someone's idea of a prank. Look."

Yuki began violently whacking it around, spinning it, pulling it, "Completely safe. It's nothing but a _dead_, rubber snake."

"Why is there a cow here?!"

"Um…I brought it…" Tohru said.

"Why?!"

"Uh…so we can have fresh milk?" she suggested.

"…"

"This cow is a male," a student pointed out, "it doesn't have that thing…"

Ayame muttered softly so only Yuki could hear, "Told you we got to teach them sex ed. That thing…tsk, tsk…it's called-"

Yuki began whacking the snake against the desk some more and proceeded to tie it up into a pretzel.

Everyone was sweating now.

"Save the cows! Cows deserve equal rights! Down with hamburgers! No more steak!" Momiji shouted.

His fan club appeared holding signs that read _Protect__ the cows! No more mindless slaughter!_ and began chanting with him.

"Mooooooo," Haru said.

"Why is Ayame-sensei and Hatsuharu's clothes here?" a student asked.

Yuki and the others were at a lost to explain that.

"Don't worry about them. They probably went streaking ," Shigure said appearing at the door.

"Kyou-kun! There you are!!" Kagura shouted.

Kyou ran but he couldn't outrun Kagura who lunged at him, "Are you avoiding me?!"

"No?"

"I knew you wouldn't do that to me Kyou-kun."

"Why is everyone here?" Hanajima asked and eyed Haru, "This cow…"

"…"

"This cow looks…delicious…"

They stared at her.

"Moooo."

.

Hiro and Kisa told the Jyuunishi at lunch, that they were going to walk home with them. But the other Jyuunishi's were nowhere to be seen.

"Anou…have you seen Sohma-jiisan?" Kisa asked.

The man answered, "Oh, all the Sohma's are in room 2-11."

They thanked him and continued on their way. Hiro and Kisa opened the door to see that all the Sohma's where there. Kagura clinging to Kyou. Shigure and Ayame chatting up a storm. Hatori reading a book and ignoring the ruckus. Yuki doing his homework and helping Tohru with hers. Momiji moving excitedly from desk to desk. Hatsuharu sitting there with his head on the desk looking out of it. And Ritsu tied to a chair, gagged and banging his head against the pile of chalk brushes on the desk.

"Hiro-kun! Kisa-chan! You guys are here too!" Momiji greeted.

"Anou…why is Ritsu-chan tied up like that?" Kisa asked.

"Oh, because Shigure and Ayame got annoyed with his apologizing and attempts to run away, so they gagged and tied him. But Ri-chan kept on hitting his head against the desk to apologize. We didn't want him to hurt himself, so we put the brushes there to protect his head."

"Why are you all here?" Hiro asked.

"Detention," Shigure said.

"All of you?" Hiro asked suspiciously, "for what?"

"Well…Kagura for destruction school property in her chase after Kyou and show of violent behaviour towards Kyou," Shigure began, "Kyou for destroying school property in his attempt to escape and use of profanity."

"Tohru for bring a cow to school. Momiji for starting a riot," Ayame continued, "Ritsu for knocking out the principal, Yuki-kun for playing hooky, not attending to his duty as class president and violent behaviour."

"You left out Haru-niisan," Kisa said.

"Not just Haru," Hatori said looking up from his book, "Haru and Ayame are here for indecent behaviour, to be more specific attempt at stripping other students. Shigure for leaving his post, indecent speech, and having a porn magazine in his reading list."

Hiro smirked, "And they're not fired yet? What are you in here for Hatori?"

"The principal decided to give them one more chance. They're suppose to be reflecting. And I'm here as the supervisor, to watch them and make sure they all behave," he stated with a sigh.

**_TBC_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Since that first day of school, the principal changed it so all the girls went to see the school nurse and the guys went to see Hatori. But the two people continued to visit Hatori's office and give him trouble: Ayame and Shigure.

"Shouldn't you two be in class?"

"I gave them a free reading period," Shigure said, "I'll just go back and check on them at the end of class."

Ayame laughed, "I kept them really busy. They're busy knitting socks, ten pairs by the end of this week or-"

"Sensei"

"Mit-chan?" Shigure wondered grinning.

She opened the door, "There you are sensei. I looked all over for you. Deadline is-"

"Oh, no," Shigure said grabbing his stomach, "my stomach hurts. My breakfast and lunch seems to be disagreeing with each other…"

Shigure ran off.

"Sensei" Mit-chan said chasing after him.

.

"Hiro-kun, did you hear? Our school is going to have a talent show with Kaibara High."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Aren't you excited?" Kisa asked.

"No, what's there to be excited about? It's just a talent show."

.

"Yuki-kun, you're the commissioner of the talent show, right?" Kagura asked.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Um…" she said shyly, "I'd like to volunteer…"

"Oh? Do you have an act planned?" Yuki asked, "because you have to tell me, so I can determine the order of the acts."

"I want to sing a love song, I written for Kyou-kun…"

.

"Haru, did you hear? A talent show."

"Yeah. So?"

"Aren't you excited? I wonder what acts there will be this year."

"Hatsuharu-san, Momiji-san, care to share what you're discussing with the class?" their teacher asked.

"We're just talking about the talent show," Momiji said.

The teacher was annoyed but was well aware of Momiji's protection squad, "I see. Well, since you two are so into it. Why don't you two sign up for an act?"

"…"

"Well, if there's no objections I'll help you two register. Now back to the topic of covalent bonding…"

.

"No teacher wants to volunteer this year."

"Of course. Last year they were booed."

"But every year we have at least two acts by the teachers."

"What's up?" Ayame asked.

"Just chatting about the talent show and how we need two teacher acts."

"Talent show? I got lots of talent. I volunteer! I'll volunteer for Shigure, Hatori, and Ritsu!" Ayame said jumping around enthusiastically.

"Really? That's wonderful!" the principal said coming out, "thank-you Sohma Ayame-sensei."

"Iie, iie," Ayame said he said waving it off.

The principal smiled, "I'll go tell Yuki for you. Remember to tell the others.  The act must be submitted to Yuki by Friday at the lastest."

"Hai!"

.

Yuki looked at them, "You guys are going to be in the talent show?"

"I suppose," Hatori said.

"Isn't it fantastic?!" Ayame asked cheerfully draping his arm over Shigure and Hatori's shoulders, "we can all go on stage together and take the crowd's breath away. The Machinobu Trio back in action!"

Yuki looked unimpressed, "What are you performing?"

"Hula dancing," Ayame said putting on a grass skirt.

"Rejected."

"Belly dancing!!" Ayame cried pulling out another outfit.

"Denied!" Yuki said getting annoyed as the vein began throbbing on his forehead.

"Pole dancing!" Shigure said holding out 10 empty toilet rolls taped together, in front of Ayame.

"No dancing! Period!"

"I wanted to dance," Momiji pouted, "guess I got to think of something else now…"

"No, not you. Only Ayame," Yuki said.

"Yuki-kun, how can you be so unfair to me?" Ayame asked faking a sob, "you'll let Momiji dance but not me? That's so mean…"

Yuki ignored him, "What about your Ritsu?"

"I don't know. I'm so sor-"

"It's ok," Momiji said, "we'll think of something together, ok?"

"You look troubled. What else is wrong?" Hatsuharu asked.

"I'm still short on acts."

"I'll help," Tohru said.

"We'll help too," Hanajima and Uotani said.

"Arigatou. What will you guys perform though?"

"I can do tarot card readings," Hanajima said listlessly holding out the death card, "I see a very grim future for you."

"…"

Uotani grabbed Kyou, "We can perform martial arts."

"Who said I was performing?!?" Kyou demanded.

"You are because I said you are," Uotani said twisting his arm, "and because you want to help out too."

"I'm-"

"Won't you please?" Tohru asked looking at him with pleading eyes.

Kyou grumbled, "Fine."

"So basically all the Sohma in this school are going to be performing."

"All? Kagura's performing as well?" Haru asked.

"Yeah. She said she written a song, she wants to sing to Kyou."

"Nani!?"

"Awwww, how sweet," Shigure cooed, "you're so lucky."

"Lucky?! More like embarrassing!"

"Do you mind repeating that?" Ayame asked holding a tape recorder in front of Kyou, "I want to be sure Kagura hears about this."

.

**That Thursday Night:**

"No," Yuki said.

"Come on. It'll be simple. If you let Tohru-chan turn Shigure into a dog, I can have my act as a superb dog trainer," Ayame said and pulled out a turban and placed it on Shigure's head, "and Gure-kun can become an excellent snake charmer by having Tohru-chan turn me into a snake."

"I said no."

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Shigure said.

"I agree with Yuki. It's too risky. You may turn back to your normal form on stage," Hatori said.

"You too, Ha-san?" Shigure asked disappointed.

Ayame who suddenly became very docile, "Well, I guess we'll just have to think of another act. How about strip dancing?"

"I told you no dancing!" Yuki shouted.

"Oooh, oooh. We can show off our kissing talent but asking volunteers to come up and test out skill," Shigure said.

"I like, I like," Ayame said, "what a fantastic idea, Gu-"

"No!"

"Don't be such a sour puss," Ayame pouted.

"He's not a puss! He's a rat!" Kyou said sounding offended.

"I don't want to be an idiotic cat," Yuki retorted.

"Who are you calling idiotic!?" Kyou demanded.

"Don't be angry Kyou-kun. I think you're a genius," Kagura said.

"What you think is of no-"

"Minna-san please don't yell," Tohru plead.

Kyou paused looking at Tohru and said, "I'm going out for air."

"I'll come with you," Kagura declared.

"I'm hungry," Haru said.

"I got dinner cooked. Why don't I go get it?"

"No," Yuki said determined, "we are not eating until you all figure out what you're presenting. Tohru-chan you can eat if you're hungry though."

"Why does Tohru-chan get to eat? It's not our fault you reject every idea of ours," Ayame whined, "I'm soooooo hungry."

"Tohru-chan, hug me," Haru said.

"…" Tohru looked at him, "um…why?"

"So I can turn into a cow and go outside to eat some grass," he stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Yuki ignored them, "So Momiji, Ritsu do you guys have your acts?"

"Well, if we turn into animals. Ri-chan can use me as a dummy, to do a ventriloquist act. And I can be a monkey trainer with Ri-chan in his monkey form wearing a cute little suit and playing one of those music boxes where he turns the handle, to play the music. He can even dance along with me. Wouldn't that be kawaii?" Momiji asked hastily.

"Unh, unh, unh," Shigure said wagging a finger, "you heard what Yuki-"

"And Tori-san!" Ayame added.

"And Tori-san said. No transforming," Shigure said.

"Got to think of something else Momiji-kun, Ri-kun," Ayame said with a grin.

"Gomen nasai! Sumimasen!! I wish I had more talent and could contribute something! Gomen!!"

.

The roof shook, 'Ritsu's apologizing again.'

"Kyou-kun, so you're going to be presenting with Uo-chan?"

"Yeah. You're going to sing a song?"

"Yep! I wrote it especially for you. So when I sing it you should pay close attention to the lyrics."

"I don't want to hear it. It sounds stupid already," Kyou stated.

Silence.

Then she grabbed him and demanded, "What do you mean, stupid!?"

.

Kyou came crashing through the roof.

Shigure sighed, "My roof. Something happens to my house every time they're here together."

Kagura ran up and hugged Kyou, "Are you ok? Who hurt you? Tell me and I'll avenge you!"

"…"

"Gomen nasai!! Sumimasen!" cried Ritsu who was still apologizing, unaffected by the crash.

Kagura ran up to him, "So you did it?!"

"You did," Kyou said getting up.

"Yuki just let Momiji and Ritsu do their act, or else Ritsu won't stop apologizing," Haru said.

"Yeah. If anyone sees we'll just have Hatori erase it from their memory," Shigure said with a grin.

Hatori gave him a cold stare and you could tell if there was a door he'd slide it shut in Shigure's face.

"…"

"Yuki let them," Hatori said, "as long as they keep their acts short, really short it should be alright."

"Yippee!" Shigure and Ayame cried.

"Not you two," Hatori said.

Shigure and Ayame began to whine, "Haaaaaa-san Tori-saaaaaan"

"Ok, I'll let you two present your ventriloquist and monkey trainer act," Yuki said.

"Ri-chan, you don't have to cry anymore. We got our wish," Momiji said excited, "and all thanks to you. So you don't have to apologize. As the matter of fact I should be saying thank-you."

"Haru what are you presenting?" Tohru asked.

"Burping."

"…"

"That's a…uh, unique talent," Tohru said.

"They got loudest burp on Guinness World Record," Haru pointed out.

"They also got furthest marshmallow shot out of nostrils and caught in someone's mouth," Ayame said.

"And most glass and dirt consumed over a lifetime record," Shigure said, "maybe you should have the most grass eaten in one sitting."

Haru's eyes flashed as he said softly, "Not funny. Not funny at all!!"

'B-Haru…'

.

**Night of the Talent Show:**

"Megumi-kun, you're here too?"

"Kisa-chan, Hiro," he said giving them a slight nod of acknowledgement.

Hiro frowned.

"So why are you here?" Kisa asked with a smile.

"My oneesan is going to be presenting," he said in his monotone voice, "she's first to present."

.

"And that's how one reads tarot cards," Hanajima said listlessly.

A couple of applauses. Hanajima's antennae-like hair stuck up and she looked at the audience. Suddenly the crowd exploded with clapping.

Yuki frowned, 'Where's Haru? His act is next. Maybe it's for the best he doesn't show up. Guess I'll have to move Uotani and that baka neko's act first.'

.

Kagura let out a sigh, 'Ok. I'm prepared. I'm good to go. I'm…'

"Haru-kun, why are you here? Aren't you suppose to be presenting right now?

"I got lost…"

"Are you serious?" she asked him incredulously.

"…"

"How do you get to your classes then?" she asked.

"I follow Momiji…since I have to same classes as him."

She couldn't help it, she began laughing, "Haru-kun, you're…something!"

.

Yuki was bored but everyone else seemed to be enjoying the mock fight on stage. Suddenly Uotani grabbed a hold of Kyou and pulled him forward to punch when…

POOF!

'That baka neko!'

He ran onto the stage and gave Kyou a hard kick off the stage and grabbed the microphone, "Ah, thank-you Uotani-san, Kyou-san, but we're running a bit late. So we must move onto our next act. Here's Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure-sensei."

Hatori and Shigure stepped onto the stage looking quite normal, though a bit dressed up for they were wearing a tux. Then he spotted his idiotic brother who was wearing a tight black top, and mini-shirt, with black fishnet stockings, high heels and bunny ears, 'What the!!!'

"First we'll begin with a couple of card tricks. My lovely assistant here," Shigure said waving his arms exaggeratingly at Ayame, "will retrieve a couple of volunteers. So who wants to volunteer? Please raise your hands."

.

Kisa nudged him, "Shigure-jiisan said we should raise our hands."

Hiro snort, "So we can help him cheat?"

"Why don't you two come up?" Ayame asked pointing in their direction.

With a sigh Hiro got up along with Kisa.

.

Other than Hiro and Kisa, another pair got up. A boy and girl around the same age. Hatori frowned, 'Isn't it just suppose to be Kisa and Hiro?'

"Alright. Who want to go first?" Shigure asked, "step forth."

Kisa and the other pair rush forward. The boy tripped over the wire connected to the mic.

"Careful!" Hiro cried running forward.

Poof! Poof!

"Hocus pocus!" Shigure shouted.

People let out a gasp as they spotted Kisa and Hiro gone, with a lamb and kitten (they didn't realize it was a tiger) replacing them.

"Ooops, my bad. Did I say card trick? I mean the magic trick of changing people into animals," Shigure said.

"Turn me into a giraffe," the girl said.

"I want to be turned into a wolf," the boy said.

"Encore!!" the crowd shouted, "we want to see it again!"

"Turn me first," the girl challenged holding onto Shigure's arm.

"…"

The boy smirked, "Me first!"

There was bumping and shoving.

"Guys…calm-" Shigure began.

Poof!

"Abra cadabra," Hatori said pulling a black table cloth over Shigure, "you guys want to see the trick one more time? Well, here you go."

.

Yuki sighed, 'That was close. But quick thinking on their behalf.'

He rushed onto the stage, "Um…we have Momiji-san's dancing act next with his pet monkey…"

"But…but we didn't get to go," the two children said.

"…"

.

Tohru hugged Ritsu who turned into a monkey.

"Let's go!" Momiji said energetically.

Yuki came back stage with Shigure, Kisa, and Hiro all in their animal form.

"I think that was a great success!" Ayame said enthusiastically, "much better than the intended act. Did you hear all the clapping? Beats boring card tricks any day and-"

"Sorry, I'm late," Haru said.

"Where's Kyou?" Kagura asked looking around.

"Ssssh, they're presenting," Yuki said not wanting to tell Kagura he kicked Kyou, to god knows where, she scares him.

.

"They've been there for way too long," Hatori said, "I hope Momiji doesn't plan on dancing the whole dance."

"I better go inter-"

Poof!

Shrieking was heard as Momiji tried his best to shield Ritsu who was already beginning to apologize.

There were comments from the crowd, "Ritsu's a guy? Why does he dress like a woman?"

"Cause he's an odd cross dresser, drag queen."

Kagura noticed Haru looked calm. Yuki and Hatori rushed out onto the stage with Ritsu's clothes, trying to cover him up and bring him backstage.

"I can't believe he'll go streaking in the middle of a children's talent show."

"Why those annoying people," Haru said softly, "I'm going to teach them a lesson they won't forget!"

"Wait!" Tohru cried grabbing a hold of him

Poof!

Haru who has just turned into a cow tossed his head and Tohru was fling off as he ran into the audience.

Ayame caught Tohru, "Be-"

Poof!

Shigure shook his head, "Haru hates it when people disrespects his friends and family, and now that he's B-Haru, no one can stop him."

.

"Crazy bull! Run!!"

"You take care of him," Hatori told Momiji, as he and Yuki ran to calm down B-Haru.

They tried to avoid being bumped into but it was impossible with all the people running around.

Poof! Poof!

Hatori could see shoes coming from at him all around, and Yuki, in his mouse form running around avoiding people's big feet, finally managing to climb onto Haru, 'I'm going to be stepped on and squished.'

Then he felt something curled around him and covered him completely until he was engulfed by a cool darkness, he heard a loud hissing, 'Ayame?'

"Ah! Snake!!"

Ayame whispered worriedly, "You ok, Tori-san?"

'He's protecting me…'

.

Yuki climbed onto Haru's head and whispered to him, "Calm down."

A bunch of students had hopped onto their chairs, and were muttering, "What is this? A zoo?"

"That snakes looks malicious."

"Maybe we should feed it the mouse, so it won't come after us."

'Feed me to Ayame?'

"You want to try to get near that cow, which most probably has mad cow disease?"

.

Kyou regain consciousness and remembered Yuki kicking him against the wall, 'Why that guy!'

He raced onto the stage and found a very entertaining scene, one that looked like a group of animals had held a bunch of student's hostage. But then he saw was Yuki on top of Haru's head. He raced there and jumped at Yuki, swiping his paws. Yuki managed to avoid, and he scratched Haru's head.

.

"We better evacuate the area," Shigure said, "or get them all back here."

"I'll go get them to leave," Kagura said with a sigh.

"Kisa-chan, you're right. This is very exciting," Hiro said laughing.

"…"

_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:

Alright, I think I better start giving hints about the other pairings. grins

**Chapter 3**

"We really don't need an assistant teacher for Literature plus-" the principal began.

"Wait. Let me show you something, and then you can decide," she said.

He looked at her and nodded.

She led him to Shigure's classroom and opened the door. The principal frowned when he saw the entire class was empty.

"Here's why you should hire me. 1. I'm qualified, I'm an editor. 2. You can pay me whatever amount you find suitable. 3. I'll make sure the children attend class and actually learn something."

"Well…"

.

On the intercom, "Sohma Shigure-sensei to the principal's office please. Sohma Shigure-sensei to the principal's office."

"Oh-oh…looks like someone's in trouble," Ayame sang.

"I'm paged because I did such a good job that the principal has to praise me personally and give me a raise," Shigure said.

"No fair. I did a better job. Why don't I get a raise?" Ayame asked, "Tori-san, I did a better job, right?"

"He's not getting a raise," Hatori stated in a listless voice.

"Gure-kun, how can you lie to me?"

"Why do you always believe Ha-san over me?" Shigure sobbed running out the door and then moments later stuck his head back in, "I'll be right back after I get my raise."

After Shigure left Ayame asked, "Do you think Shigure's in trouble?"

Before Hatori could reply, Haru ran in and looked at them, then said, "Should've known you'll be here. We're very busy, come on lets go!"

Haru dragged Ayame off.

"See you later Tori-saaaaaaaan."

"…"

.

"Momiji where's Haru and Ayame?" Yuki asked.

"Ayame left and then Haru turned into B-Haru and left as well."

"B-Haru? He's turning into B-Haru a lot lately. What was it this time?"

Momiji was thoughtful, "Um…no reason I don't think."

"He's changing for no reason now? And every time he does, he go seeks out Ayame. Those two are up to something."

"A petition for unisex washrooms," Momiji said.

"Unisex washrooms?"

.

Hiro looked at Megumi, "Why is he coming with us?"

"His sister's Hana-neechan," Kisa said, "and he wants me to introduce him to Haru-kun."

"Why do you want to befriend the Sohma's?" Hiro asked suspiciously.

"I only want to know who Hatsuharu is," Megumi said.

"Why only him?"

"Because I heard a lot about him."

.

Ritsu looked gloomily at the flowers. He's been receiving flowers and phone calls from both males and females to ask him out. The phone was ringing again.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Shigure asked.

"…"

"I'll answer it for you," Shigure said and picked up the phone, "moshi-moshi?"

"Really? How sweet of you…would I like to go out with you? Of course…" Shigure cooed, "hai! Sunday…sure…ja."

Ritsu stared at him in disbelief.

"I've just been asked out by a teenage girl," Shigure said grinning and began singing, "Teenage girls…teenage girls. 1, 2, 3, teenage girls…"

"…"

.

Kyou frowned and went into the cafeteria.

"Here Kyou-kun!" Tohru said waving her arms.

Uotani, Hanajima, Kagura, and Yuki were already there.

"You're late," Uotani said, "why are you always late?"

"Is it my fault that the old hag held me after class to lecture me? Women are so annoying."

"Baka," Yuki muttered, as Uotani stood up.

"Who are you calling annoying?!" she demanded.

"Women."

Uotani attacked. He jumped back.

'Why are all women annoying and _violent_? First Kagura and now Uotani. Well…not ever girl…' he thought looked at Tohru who looked worried.

.

Shigure knocked on the principal's door.

"Come in."

He opened the door, "You wanted to see me? Is it about a raise?"

"No. Actually I'd like you to meet your new assistant."

"Mit-chan?"

She grinned and waved, "Hi sensei. Guess we'll be seeing each other everyday now."

He was thoughtful and grinned, "So we will, Mit-chan, so we will…"

.

"Haru-kun."

"Kisa? Later," he said without turning around and continued to focus his attention on the guy he was holding and slapped the piece of paper in the guy's face, "sign this petition before I get really mad."

The boy stuttered and signed it.

"Get out of here," he said and turned to Kisa, "what is it?"

"This is Megumi-kun and he wants to speak to you."

Haru looked at the kid, "Who are you? I don't know you and I'm not interested in little boys. So make it snappy. I got more signatures to get."

"You're not how I thought you'd be," he said listlessly.

"Gees, I'm so sorry to disappoint you," he said sarcastically.

Ayame came out, "I got the design for the new washroom all drawn out. Oh, Hiro-kun, Kisa-chan you're here."

"Lets go," B-Haru said.

"You've disappointed me greatly _Sohma__ Hatsuharu_," Megumi said.

"Whatever," B-Haru said walking away grabbing onto Ayame.

"Megumi-kun don't mind him. He acts weird sometimes," Kisa said, "he's really a very nice person."

"Really? I'll remember him, _Hatsuharu_."

.

"Ooooooh, it's lunch time. Tori-kun goes on his break! I got to go eat lunch with him! I'll hand in our proposal. Ja ne!!" Ayame said running off.

B-Haru clutched his fist and smashed it against the wall, 'Kuso!'

B-Haru changed back to Haru who grabbed his hand, 'Ouch. What happened? Why does my hand hurt so much?'

"There you are Haru!" Momiji cried, "I was looking for you. Lets go eat lunch. I think the others are already there."

Haru nodded looking as his hand.

"Oi, what's wrong with your hand? It's all swollen! We got to go see Hatori!!"

.

Hanajima was the first to ask, "Haru what happened to your hand?"

"Are you learning to boxing?" Tohru asked.

"No. I hurt my hand, Momiji saw and overreacted. Thus doing this," Haru said apathetically holding out his left hand which highly resembled Doraemon's hands.

Momiji smiled sheepishly.

"You sure you're ok?" Hanajima asked.

"Tohru-neesan!" Kisa cried.

"Megumi?" Uotani said.

"Hiro-kun, Kisa-chan, you two know guys know Megumi-kun too?" Tohru asked.

"Of course. He's our friend," Kisa said.

"He's not my friend," Hiro corrected her.

Megumi stared at Haru.

.

"What did you pull me here for?" Hatori asked.

"To hand in Haru and mine proposal."

"Proposal for what?"

Ayame grinned, "Stall-less unisex washrooms with urinals."

Hatori looked at him, "You think the board will approve of such a thing?"

Ayame crackled, "They got no choice. We got 90% of the student's signature plus 101 reasons for it."

"Doesn't matter," he stated.

They got to the office and saw Mit-chan following Shigure out of the principal's office.

"You heard the news that fast and came to congratulate me?" Shigure asked.

"Congratulate you for making the principal want to talk to your guardian?" Hatori asked.

.

Mit-chan was pretty sure that this guy was kidding but the way he said it…

"Ha-san, how can you say such a thing? As the matter of fact, the principal understands what a tough job I got and decided to hire an assistant for me. Let me introduce to you my new assistant. This is Hatori and Ayame, my bestest best friends, and this is Mit-chan, my new assistant, also my editor. You guys seen each other, ne?"

"Why do you get an assistant?!? Maybe I should get Mine-chan to come here and help me out. I'll be right back after I summit this proposal. Oh, nice to meet you Mit-chan, Gure-kun mentions you a lot," Ayame began and five minutes later the conversation has became, "…and then when I got home I found out the shoelace was dirty, so I went back to get an exchange and they refused!! How dare they scam me! The shoelace is the essence of the shoe, like cinnamon is the essence of cocoa. You know what else is good? Chocolate parfait, though it looks like mud. Mud baths are-"

"Aren't you suppose to hand in your proposal?"

"Oh, right. Thanks Tori-san. Be right back," he said running off.

Mit-chan let out a sigh of relief.

"Nice to meet you Mit-chan. I wish you the best of luck," Hatori said.

.

"So what's good to eat?" Momiji asked trying to steal a french fry from Kagura's dish.

"Oneesan are you eating beef again?"

Hanajima nodded, "Yes. I developed a particular liking for beef."

"It's an obsession," Megumi stated, "you want to devour every edible cow product in sight."

"What about you?" Hanajima asked.

"What about him?" Uotani asked.

"He's becoming quite resentful to lambs."

.

Momiji frowned, 'I'm sure I forgot something…but what?'

He reached for one of Kyou's fish sticks and got a whack on his hand, "Don't touch my food!! Well…you can have the salad that comes as a side dish if you want."

Haru turned and walked away.

"Where are you going?" Momiji asked

"To buy lunch," he said.

"Wait for me!"

.

"Lets go," Shigure said.

"Ritsu are you going to come along?" Hatori asked.

"No thanks. I'm waiting for Momiji," he said.

"Alright. Suit yourself," Shigure said, "I'm starving."

.

The principal sighed and read the pile of paper:

_Sohma__ Ayame and Sohma Hatsuharu's proposal for stall-less washrooms (please refer to diagram 1.0 for a full floor plan). But before anything because read the reason as to why a this is advantageous._

**101 Reasons why we should have stall-less washrooms:**

**1. **The first (and probably most obvious reason) it is a public washroom and the fact that we have private stalls destroys that whole concept.

**2. **Now if a woman says _Not__ tonight my period is here_ we can confirm if that's a legitimate claim.

**3. **Lessens the possibly of unflushed toilets. If one realize that the person five toilets away can see you rush out without flushing the toilet, you are less likely to do it. (Unflushed toilets are so icky).

**4. **Promotes more self confidence in people and better speaking skills, especially those that have nightmares about talking naked in front of the whole school.

**5. **Less likely for people to flush their lunch and tampons down the toilet (refer to reason 3) and getting it plugging up.

**6. **No more vandalism on the stall walls.

**7. **Cheaper, less use of metal.

**8. **Cheaper, less money erasing vandalism.

**9. **Cheaper, less money painting stalls.

**10. **Less likely to encounter the problem with no toilet paper, especially if there just happens to be no one in the stall beside you. This way you can ask the person three stalls away.

**11. **…

(Absurdity continues for 101 reasons, and gets more disturbing).

_T.B.C_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Are you sure you're ok?" Kagura asked.

"I'm -achoo- fine. Achoo. Saw Hatori-san and he said -achoo- it may -achoo- be allergies."

Kyou walked by.

"Well, if you say so. See you later," she said and ran after Kyou, "Kyou-kun, wait up!"

"Bye-choo," he said and finally stopped sneezing.

A pack of black Kleenex were held up to him, "If it really is an allergy, I can get you a mask from Uo-chan."

Haru turned, "Hana -achoo- thanks for the -achoo- offer but it's -achoo- no use. I tried. It's like a -choo- curse."

"A curse? I got to go," she stated.

"…" Haru stopped sneezing after she was gone, 'that was odd.'

.

Yuki looked at the form, "We need guardian signatures for this field trip?"

"Because the students will be attending an art gallery and well those drawings are expensive. Plus it's on a Saturday."

Yuki nodded, 'So the school doesn't want to take responsibility for any damages.'

.

Kagura looked at the long line-up outside the one remaining female washroom. The school board wisely left one female and one male washroom standing. 99% of the females use this washroom.

She really had to go and couldn't wait 20 minutes for it to be her turn. She sighed and walked to one of the unisex washrooms. She shut her eyes and opened the door, "Sumimasen. But everyone out!"

Cries.

"Ugh, you...you imbecile!! Watch where you aim that thing. The urinal is right in front of you, idiot."

"What about you? Eeew!"

She sniffled a giggle.

.

'Why is it taking Tori-san so long to go to the washroom? Did something happen?'

Haru came in.

"Haru-kun, why are you here?"

"To see Hatori-san."

Ayame grinned, "He's not here right now. But I know where he is. Come on. I'll take you there."

"No, it's-"

But Ayame ignored his protest and put his hands on Haru's shoulders and began steering him towards the washroom.

.

"There's a line-up?" Kyou asked surprised.

"Kagura-chan went inside and kicked everyone out," Momiji said.

"Kagura?" Kyou said making a face and turned to leave.

"You're afraid of a girl?" B-Haru smirked, "that is sooooo sad."

"You're sad!"

"Tori-san!" Ayame exclaimed.

"At least I'm not afraid of a girl," B-Haru stated, "such a wuss."

"I'm not afraid of her! I just…"

"You just have to go. It's a unisex washroom," B-Haru said and challenged, "why don't you go inside?"

"Why don't you go?!"

.

B-Haru smirked, "Alright I will."

He put his hands on the handle.

"B-Haru…" Hatori said disapprovingly.

"Kagura-chan's going to be really mad," Momiji said.

B-Haru ignored them, 'Ch. It's just Kagura…'

.

Haru blinked, 'Where am I? Why am I here?'

"Aren't you going to go inside?" Kyou challenged.

"Go inside? Why? I don't need to go to the washroom…at least I don't think so…"

"I knew your righteousness will win over B-Haru's hentainess!" Momiji cheered and hugged him.

"Huh?"

"Kagura's inside," Hatori said.

Haru looked at Kyou, "You know Kagura's inside and you want me to go in?"

"You're the one that wanted to go inside," Kyou retorted.

"And you didn't stop me? I challenge you to a fight right now," Haru declared taking a stance.

Kyou smirked, "You're on!"

.

"What?! Those two are fighting?" Yuki said, "where?"

"What's wrong?" Tohru asked.

"Kyou and Haru are fighting in the hall."

"Kyou-kun and Haru-kun? We must stop them," she declared.

"Stop what?" Uotani asked.

.

"Yes, I cursed him so he'll continuously sneeze upon seeing or thinking about girls."

"Why would you do that?" Hanajima asked.

'Because I don't understand why you and Kisa-chan admire him so much. That guy's no good,' Megumi thought but kept quiet.

"So he'll be sneezing for 3 days and nights," Hanajima said.

"Unless he stays away from women and doesn't think about them."

.

"You two stop it," Yuki said.

"Stay out of this," Haru said attacking Kyou.

'You think I don't want to? But I'm the school president,' Yuki thought and stood between them, "stop it. We're at school. If you want to fight wait until we get home."

They attacked him. Yuki considered knocking them out but there were too many witnesses. So he tried to prevent them from hurting each other, 'Why are they fighting anyways?'

.

Kagura looked at the urinals, 'It really looks odd. Guys seem to have very terrible aim. Yuck. But Ayame and B-Haru do make a good point. How come guys get to pee in the open and girls have stalls?'

There was a ruckus from the outside, but she ignored it, 'Weird…'

.

Hatori frowned and said, "All students, go back to your class, and those that need to use the washrooms go to another one."

Yuki tripped Kyou who was redirected and flying at Ayame. Hatori pulled him out of the way. Haru looked at them and appeared furious as he attacked Yuki.

'He changed back to B-Haru…'

"Tori-kun, you saved me. My hero!"

Hatori sighed and glanced at Ayame who was looking at him all funny, then he looked at B-Haru, 'Oh…is the reason he's changing so much lately because of Ayame?'

"Go easy on them Yuki! Oi, Haru, Kyou, if you want to win Yuki, you got go team up!" Shigure shouted, "signs for sale! Support you man!! Yuki, Yuki, turn them into chop suey! Haru, Haru, make them go boo-hoo! Kyou, Kyou, is the real deal! Buy you signs, show your support!"

Hatori felt a major headache, 'What the heck is he doing?'

"This is what you use your creativity for?! You owe me a 400 page draft, sensei!"

"Mit-chan, how could you leave the students alone in the classroom?" Shigure asked in a disapproving manner.

"Yuki sign here!" someone cried.

"Coming right up!" Shigure replied.

'The crowd's growing…'

.

"Sumimasen! Gomen nasai! May I please come through?! Sumimasen!" Ritsu shouted.

A path was opened instantly.

"That's right Kyou! A left hook! Jab!! Block!" Uotani shouted waving her hands around and punched Ritsu.

"Oh…gomen, I didn't-"

"No, don't apologize. It should be me saying gomen! Sumimasen! Gomen nasai! I didn't mean to get in your way! Go-"

"Ritsu-kun, why are you here?" Momiji asked.

"Principal's coming."

The crowd dissipated in 5 seconds.

"Great job," Momiji said with a smile.

"…" Ritsu blushed, "arigatou gozaimasu."

.

Hanajima looked at him, "What's going on?"

"A fight that began with Haru vs. Kyou, and since then has escalated to this," Shigure said waving his hands at the three of them.

"What are you three doing?!" Principal Yamazaki demanded.

They all froze, "…"

Ayame smiled, "They're just roughhousing. All boys do that and it's actually very considerate of them seeing how we're all ever so bored here, waiting for a certain someone to get out of the washroom. Maybe the person hit their head on the urinals and is unconscious…or worst.  What if they're drowning in the toilet bowl?!"

"Only he could do that…" Shigure muttered snickering.

Haru looked at her, but didn't sneeze.

"You ok, Haru?"

"Fine."

"But you're not sneezing…"

He looked at her funny, "Yeah, so?"

'Is Megumi losing his touch? It takes three days for the curse to activate and once activated it last for another three days but…'

.

The door opened and Kagura frowned, 'Who's the big pervert?!'

She hid at the first toilet and when she saw the guy's head, she punched him in the face, "…"

"Principal Yamazaki!!" she cried and shook him like a rag doll, "wake up!"

But he was out cold.

She ran out, "Why did you guys let him in?"

"Because he was the principal?" Shigure offered.

"You…you hit the principal?" Tohru asked, "is he ok?"

"He's unconscious…"

"Run!" Shigure said and left a trail of dust after him.

"Sensei" Mit-chan said chasing after him.

.

Tohru looked at the field trip form and sighed.

"Are you alright? You look troubled," Yuki said.

She smiled, "Nothing. I'm ok."

"What are you hiding behind your back?" he asked.

"Nothing…"

"Let me see," he said.

She held out the paper sheepishly.

"You want to go?" he asked

She nodded.

Yuki grabbed her hand and pulled her, "Come on. Lets find Shigure."

Tohru looked at his hands on hers and blushed.

.

Yuki and Tohru ran to Hatori's office and went inside to see everyone already in there and shouting.

"Ah, otouto you came too!" Ayame greeted him.

Yuki ignored him and went to Shigure, "Can you help Tohru sign her fieldtrip form?"

"Tohru-chan? Sure," Shigure said.

"Sign mine too," Kyou said sticking out his paper.

"I told you no. You go, then Kagura goes, and when you two are together something is bound to be broken. I can't afford to pay for it."

"I'll get my mom to sign it for you," Kagura said snatching his form.

"She's not my guardian," Kyou stated.

"What are you talking about? You're my fiancée, we're so close, my mom is like your mom," she said hugging him.

Kyou hissed, "What nonsense are you talking about?!"

"Awww, you're so cute. You're shy," Kagura said.

"Am not!"

.

"Sign mine Hatori-san. Sign mine!" Momiji said excitedly.

"Ok."

"And mine," Yuki added.

"Oooh, oooh, oooh!" Ayame said waving his arms, "as your brother I'll sign you fieldtrip form."

"Sign mine too," B-Haru said.

"And mine!" Kyou shouted trying to get his form back.

Kagura ran off, "You want it, you got to catch me first."

.

Uotani spotted the oddest thing, Kyou chasing Kagura, instead of vice versa.

"What are you guys doing?"

"She got my form," Kyou said.

Uotani snatched the paper, "This?"

"Give it back, please," Kagura said.

Kyou stuck out his hand.

Uotani smiled, "I'll give it to you. But…"

.

Hanajima was walking down the hall and spotted Haru holding a sheet of paper.

"Hey."

He sneezed, "Hi."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm -achoo- looking at -choo- my fieldtrip form."

Hanajima frowned, "You're sneezing again?"

"I never -achoo- stopped."

_TBC_

**A/N:** Sorry for the slow update. It's not that funny but I tried to add some humor in this chapter. =) And I noticed I'm not really following my primary genre, so I got to get back on track.


End file.
